A Recipe For Getting Dressed That You Should Never Follow
Do as I say, not as I do.
When I was in the third grade, we had an assignment: write out a recipe for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Simple enough. After we had all finished scribbling our little misspelled formulas on a piece of paper, the teacher had us walk up to the front of the classroom and make the sandwich. I don’t even remember how it went for me, but I do remember watching everyone else go. One kid wrote that you needed a cup of peanut butter, which was essentially half the jar. When he put together the sandwich, it was about 5 inches tall. He giggled as he bit into it, barely getting his mouth on the whole thing as the brown sticky peanut butter dripped to the floor. Another student said 1 tsp of each ingredient, making her finished product two flappy pieces of white bread. She cried as she sat back in her seat – it was a missed opportunity for a free snack.
I don’t remember if this was a math lesson or an English lesson for us, but the lesson for me was about process and how the way we think about something doesn’t always translate to what we create. Oddly, it’s something I think about all the time when I’m getting dressed.
I’m not one of those people who wears sweatpants, I put on an outfit every single day. Even if it’s just to walk to a coffee shop, I’ll scour through images on Pinterest trying to get inspired for the day. By the time I land on something, I’m rushing to actually get dressed and the results are never the same as what I had in my head. This has been happening to me even more in the post-pandemic world, where my style has changed and I can’t keep up with it. The balance is off.
So I started thinking: What if I back up a little bit and think about the process of getting dressed in the way I did that peanut butter and jelly sandwich when I was 8-years-old? If I write out the directions as I get dressed, then maybe I can look back and see where I need to improve.
So here is my outfit recipe:
Put on a robe and undergarments.
After you get out of the shower, put on your Four Seasons robe (yes they sell the ones you get in the hotel room). While you’re doing your hair, pick out underwear and a bra. Put on the underwear and let the bra sit on the bed until you decide on your top — you might not need it.
Decide whether this is a pants day.
It’s almost always a pants kind of day as you have a ton of dresses but rarely wear them. Go stand in front of those dresses, pull them off the hangers, hold them in front of you and then throw them on the ground. Proceed to walk to your dresser.
Pull out all of your jeans.
You didn’t put your jeans away properly, so pull them out of the drawer and put them on your bed. Are you working from home all day? If so, put the widest leg jeans in a separate pile. If you have somewhere to be, skip to step 5.
Put on all the wide leg pants and see which one is the comfiest.
This is a self-explanatory step.
Decide what pants to wear.
This is almost entirely based on your mood. Are you ok with being a little uncomfortable in structured jeans? Do you feel like wearing a belt?
Put on the pants and sit on your bed with wet hair while you scroll through Pinterest.
This is where your lack of confidence really gets to shine. Did you go for the black flares that looked cool in a street style photo but you don’t have the exact top you want to make it work?
Find a similar style top to that thing you wanted but don’t have.
It’s ok that the t-shirt doesn’t fit the same as Zoë Kravitz’s does, you are running out of time and need to finish.
Finish your hair and put on your jewelry.
Look at that dish of necklaces on your counter and decide which ones you have time to untangle. Select at least two necklaces and two pairs of earrings.
Go back to the mirror and realize the pants are all wrong. Change your pants.
The top is wrong now too, change it.
Here, you should select three different options and try them all on before landing back on the top you wore originally.
Put on boots.
It’s almost always boots in the post-quarantine world, they are the most comfortable.
Leave the house before you change again.
You definitely want to change, but you can’t because you ran out of time. Your outfit is on and you are dressed.
The assessment:
I came to a conclusion that I didn’t expect. Outside of general confidence issues, I think I need to clean my closet. Seriously, I think one of my issues is that I can’t actually see all the clothing I have when I’m trying to put together an outfit. For example, if I had known where my button down shirt was maybe I would have worn that instead of the t-shirt, which would have made for something more put together.